@DanteEvilCat: "Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills...
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@EyeSeeYou619: [first date] HIM: So how was your OMG did you just pull a hot sauce packet out of your bra
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife never catches me scoping out the hot chick because she's too busy judging the hot chick.
@shatterpants: Sitting in traffic wishing I had a Sasquatch to lean out of the passenger window and make police car noises.
@sammyrhodes: Ibuprofen is my favorite headache medicine that also sounds like a reggae professor.