@Karate_Horse: Always the pallbearer, never the dead guy
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@SondraDeeMe: If by high maintenance you mean she looks like a stoned janitor, then yeah, she's high maintenance.
@TheCiscoKidder: I ate a banana so big that my Facebook relationship status automatically changed from "Married" to "It's Complicated."
@fsuflores: I feel so bad for all these women that give me their phone numbers and when I call the line has been disconnected This economy is ruthless.