@Karate_Horse: Always the pallbearer, never the dead guy
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@GrowlyGrego: A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn't have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking...presumably about the failure of this coffee shop.
@MoneypennyNaked: Me: Sorry, I can't tonight. I already made plans. Him: That's too bad. There's going to be open bar and-- Me: What time should I be there?
@AtticusFinch79: [on the train] Conductor: Ticket please Me: *hands it over* C: Lady this is a speeding ticket M: *sighs* That's why I'm on the train
@KalvinMacleod: HR: How do you think we can better handle this in the future? ME [glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut]: idk, maybe don’t hire Cheryl