@sofarrsogud: *always thought 'copulation' was the amount of police officers in a given country.
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@AndyAsAdjective: When the chips are down, be a good friend & say a few kind words to the chips. See if that helps.
@NewDadNotes: Angel: so you named this screwdriver a flathead cause it's head is flat? God: yep Angel: What are you gonna call this other one? God: Phil
@chuuew: ME: Mint choc chip ice cream, pls. I got my own cone [places it on counter] EMPLOYEE: This is a traffic cone? ME: You must be new here.
@JamesCoolie: The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that... it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine - William Shakespeare