@sofarrsogud: *always thought 'copulation' was the amount of police officers in a given country.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What does that cloud look like to you? 3-year-old: A cloud. Me: No, what do you imagine it could be? 3-year-old: Rain.
@ItsAndyRyan: WIFE: I can't believe you slept with my twin thinking it was me ME: Cut me some slack – he was wearing your perfume
@animaldrumss: To those out there who have accused me of selling out, of abandoning my beliefs and values to climb the social ladder: uh... yeah. yes.