@PanicRestroom: Always wear clean underwear, In case you are abducted by aliens
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@NatBaimel: 17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq
@timdonakowski: Okay, wait a second. I pee, I do my belt, THEN I wash my hands. I don't know about you but I've never, ever washed my belt.
@ieatanddrink: A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth
@AtticusFinch79: I'm so oblivious to someone flirting with me that if they told me to take my shirt off I'd assume it was because I spilled something on it