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@Matt_The_1st: Not to brag or anything, but I scored 4 points on flappy bird before my phone mysteriously flung itself across the room
@PastorBate: Restaurants drastically overestimate how much I care about which wood they smoke my bacon over.
@canadasandra: the host of the party told me to make myself comfortable so I went back home to bed
@Crunk_Jews: People who use a vacation day the day after Christmas to have relatives over clearly don't understand the meaning of the word vacation.