@Landon8426: Chess with Australians must get so confusing. "Check, mate." "Naw mate, that's just a check." "That's what I said. Check, mate"

@clyderun: At the bar I got into a factual debate with another patron. He pulled the "I have a PhD" card. Now he has a PhD AND a fork in his eye.

@HeyZeus666: I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band.

@IamEnidColeslaw: RAN INTO A COWORKER AT TARGET. DIDN'T WANT HER TO KNOW I WAS BUYING BABY CLOTHES FOR MY CAT SO I TOLD HER I'M PREGNANT

@just1fool: Whoever called it getting drunk and not grunk detting just didn't get it.