@realrossnoble: Amazing statistic. The new U2 album is the most deleted record in history.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why can't we feed the animals? Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*
@SarcasticAlly12: I keep a tiny vial of gluten in my pocket in case I ever need to smash it on the ground to make a getaway from a large group of hipsters
@okaypup: I wish I was from Finland so when people asked if I was Finnish I could say "no, in fact, I'm just getting started"