@justinshanes: Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
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@Sarcasticsapien: Coworker: Guess what day it is? Me: Don't. CW: Guess what day it is? Me: Don't. CW: It's hum.. [30 min later] Cop: So you stapled his lips?
@david8hughes: [boxing match] Commentator: Silva is in the red shorts with green, white & yellow trim Me: the black guy. Just say Silva is the black guy