@justinshanes: Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
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@ThisOneSayz: Maid of Honor speeches shouldn't end with, "I'll see you all at her next one." I know that now.
@WorkingMom86: My son plays this game where he's a bowling ball and the bowling pins are everything we own.
@famouscrab: yeah i got a gym membership. its called life. watch me lift this big ass rock. now im gonna do 20 reps of pretending im a beautiful bird
@truegritrumble: "How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?" -Cats