@3sunzzz: People are posting pictures of their Christmas trees all decorated, and I'm over here like, "Does anyone know if we have a clean plate?!"

@mikeleffingwell: "And... uh... chocolate kills dogs." - God puts the finishing touches on life on earth.

@TheAlexNevil: *eats only grass-fed donuts

@breatheandlove: The good news is, that bag of clothes from 1998 that I still haven't taken to the donation centre…they are back in style now.

@krisv_723: I was arrested last Halloween. Apparently it's illegal to chase someone yelling, Touch me! Even if they are dressed as the Grim Reaper.