@TheTweetOfGod: America is the greatest country on earth at thinking it's the greatest country on earth.
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@Home_Halfway: Whenever anyone asks me where I grew up I point to a random spot in the room and say "Over there."
@FrenulumBreve: [love making] Her: [leans in] "do that thing you know I like." [i cease to exist] Her: "yeah baby."
@TwoSapphiresBlu: Daughter: Why don't kids at school get my sarcastic humor? Me: Because they have boring parents, darling.