@ChaseMit: America's national mascot should just be a drunk white girl typing on a shattered iPhone.
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@KKAlThani: If you set someone free, love them. Wait I mean, if you love someone for free, set them. That doesn't make sense. Forget it.
@EndhooS: Cop: Are you drunk? Me: Could a drunk person do this? *I just piss my pants* Cop: WOW. Yes actually. Me: That was supposed to be a backflip
@McNevich: Total shocker that you actually have to pay for things when you get to the register. Go ahead and dump your purse on the counter. We'll wait