@ChaseMit: America's national mascot should just be a drunk white girl typing on a shattered iPhone.
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@4Crocs: If there is not a open bar and a goddamn delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
@sammyrhodes: Shaving your beard is a great way to remember what you looked like when you were 5.
@rudy_mustang: Genie: you have three wishes Me: ok i wish "three" meant 1000 Genie: it's done. you have two wishes left Me: wait i wish "two" meant 1000