@jakefromstfarm3: An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough
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@Cheeseboy22: I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Tim: This is Tim from accounting. Me: Hi Tim from accounting. Tim: Just say Tim. Me. Tim. Tim: How are you today? Me: Tim.
@stefani6124: I love it when I run into people I know at my psychiatrist's office... Because I'm like, "Hey, you're crazy too? Cool."
@ExcuseMyTweets: The Bank of America app randomly disappeared off my phone and now I'm wondering how much money I spent last night.