@torrami: An army of pandas descends on a fortress of evil trolls. The pandas are soft, cuddly, & deadly. It's the most adorable massacre in history.
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@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.
@IncrediblyRich: After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN.
@itsboyschapter: you never gotta worry about me cheating on you... i might eat something that was yours but thats about it
@lcwf70: Failed Hallmark card: I'm sorry I stabbed you with a fork when you leaned in to kiss me. I thought you were going to take my taco.