@ChrisHallbeck: An audiobook that is 8 hours of breathing and page turning with a surprised “Oh, out loud?” right at the end.
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@MenHumor: Dear McDonald's, Thank you for not selling hot dogs. I don't think I could order a McWiener with a straight face.
@LostCatDog: The 9-year-old in me thinks life is all about fun. But then I think, how long is it gonna take to digest this kid? I'm a huge python, btw.
@G_Faylor: [Scientist discovering catfish] Scientist: What kind of fish are you? Fish, maintaining eye contact: *pushes entire shelf of beakers over*