@tangledteatime: An eight year old offered to sell me drugs. Isn't that disgusting? Why would I pay when I can just beat him up and take them? He's EIGHT.
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@eyepluckeramit: Next time you're in the changing room and sales person asks if you need anything, just say "Yes, can I get some toilet paper?"
@KalvinMacleod: If there's one thing children have taught me it's how to count down from 5 while pretending there's a huge consequence if I ever reach zero.
@Kalarlis: my bf is wonderful but he will never be as soft as my roommate's dog who moved out of the house WHY GREG WHY CAN'T YOU BE AS SOFT AS THE DOG
@DaddyJew: Cashier: how would you like to pay? Me: with my good looks if possible Cashier: Me: Cashier: Me: credit