@tangledteatime: An eight year old offered to sell me drugs. Isn't that disgusting? Why would I pay when I can just beat him up and take them? He's EIGHT.
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@roostermustache: Biden: this is takin forever and build-a-bear is gonna close soon Obama: joe let me finish my speech or you'll get no tv for a week Biden:
@pleatedjeans: [Shark Tank] an armadillo clock that rolls away so you gotta get up to turn off the alarm Sounds dum- It's called the Alarmadillo OMG SOLD
@Spaziotwat: [The Second Coming] Jesus:"People of the Earth! I have returned with news of God's love an-" Voice from the crowd:"DO THE WINE TRICK"