@tangledteatime: An eight year old offered to sell me drugs. Isn't that disgusting? Why would I pay when I can just beat him up and take them? He's EIGHT.
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@ceejoyner: Some fancy kids just egged my house with quail eggs. I went out to yell, and one of them garnished me with chives.
@Fred_Delicious: *is at the movies with hot date* *does fake yawn to put arm around her* *yawns too hard and inhales a child from the row in front* *dies*
@UnFitz: We're at the top of the food chain, but let's not be too full of ourselves. After all, some of us can be felled by a single peanut.
@TheMichaelRock: God: One last thing before I let you in. Let's look at your Google search history. Me: I'll show myself out.