@JennyJohnsonHi5: An email from my parents: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: Obama's a Muslim
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@jonnysun: *touches a turtel* *dies* *touches a plant* *dies* wow mario are u allergic to evreything or wat
@randomlawless: My coworker replaced her chair with an exercise ball to "work her core." I'm eating a giant chocolate chip cookie for breakfast. I win.
@Laser_Cat: They say if you love something you should let it go, but I don't think this pastrami sandwich will come back to me, so I'm just eating it.
@mattytalks: I have a rare muscle disease that causes my hands to write racist things that I don't remember later. The Doctor is calling it Ron Palsy