@QwertyJones3: An opossum is just a regular possum that reenacts the diner scene from When Harry Met Sally.
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@NikiWithIssues: Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!
@markleggett: What if birds have tiny human-like ears underneath their feathers? That's certainly something to think about, but not during sex.
@stephenjmolloy: Cop: "We'll catch the guy who murdered your husband." Tina: "My husband was murdered?!" Cop: "Shit! Sorry... I have some bad news..."
@sploosk: THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he objectifies women ME: [trying to stuff bread into her armpit] toaster