@QwertyJones3: An opossum is just a regular possum that reenacts the diner scene from When Harry Met Sally.
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: What did you just do? CAT: *bolts for no apparent reason* ME: *bolts in the opposite direction in case she’s after both of us*
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why is there a broom in the driveway? me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car