@simoncholland: And like the migratory pattern of the white-crowned sparrow, the last roll of toilet paper makes its journey from bathroom to bathroom.
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@Smooheed: If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
@juliussharpe: Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you're getting ready to take hostages.
@str8outaCompUSA: Jesus, don't take the wheel. Give me your keys. Sober up. *hands cup of water* DON'T TURN THAT INTO WINE AGAIN
@MissNaughty1801: Me:what did daddy say when he broke his phone? 7y:can I repeat swear words? Me: no 7y: he said nothing then