@simoncholland: And like the migratory pattern of the white-crowned sparrow, the last roll of toilet paper makes its journey from bathroom to bathroom.
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@vineyille: Me: Just a glass of water Scientist waiter: You mean a glass of... yourself? You see, the body is made up of ok ok sit down I'll bring it
@withanewname: Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg out, Put -spider hokey pokey
@towelforacape: People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: What do you think of my tweets? Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say? Wife: You're consistent.