@simoncholland: And like the migratory pattern of the white-crowned sparrow, the last roll of toilet paper makes its journey from bathroom to bathroom.
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@LlamaInaTux: "They say time is linear but it repeats itself. For example, I just got dumped again. Same girl. Were stuck on a loop, and when-" *the man grating parmesan stops* "No, that wasn't a 'when' for you, keep going."
@PressOneForNo: When your toddlers are teenagers don't forget to wake them at 5am because your sock came off
@Smug_Lemur: Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.