@ventivodkacran: ...and the award for best lead actress in a dramatic role goes to me for "I Have A Sinus Infection, Why Don't You Care That I'm Dying"
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@craiguito: My ex used to say there was one person for everyone. I didn't realise he planned to be that person
@boring_as_heck: Joe was really good at making movie trailers. There was just one problem *car honk* he didn't have access to the record scratch sound effect
@MichaelTrying: My calendar says there's a new moon tomorrow. The old one was there for 4.5 billion years; you'd think people would be more excited.
@Glittermepink5: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the worst time to have a heart attack would be during a game of charades.