@ventivodkacran: ...and the award for best lead actress in a dramatic role goes to me for "I Have A Sinus Infection, Why Don't You Care That I'm Dying"
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@weinerdog4life: Do not break eye contact with your waitress as you put the spaghetti in your wallet.
@EricaLynnz: If you're driving a getaway car just remember the best way to lose the cops is to ship them via the post office
@Jake_Vig: ME: I can understand why, it's so silky and luxurious. THEM: Huh? I said I worship Satan. ME: Oh. I thought you said "satin."