@ComedyPosts: And then Satan said, "Put the alphabet in math..."
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@nbadag: [runs up to a group of people] ME: ZACK ATTACK GUY: lol is your name zack or— [thousands of bros crest a nearby hill] ME: [whispering] RUN
@DanMentos: "Bob's coming over" Bob from work or Bob who thinks he's a cop? *knock on door* OPEN UP, POLICE *flushing drugs down toilet* "Bob from work"
@Home_Halfway: Hi, 911? I see someone from high school in this coffee shop and they're the type to corner & chat me up and I don't know what to do HI LAURA