@Cheeseboy22: "And then we'll have the throat hole open up and a rectangle candy will drop from it. Kids will love it." ~ Inventors of Pez dispensers.
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@mylifesuckers: Husband: Let's talk about it when we're not tired and cranky. Me: So, in like 18 years?
@UncleDuke1969: She said we needed to talk and... I said, "Yeah, I think we should break up, too." She said, "About where to eat." "Oh," I said, "Pizza?"
@bourgeoisalien: Acid rain is total bullshit. I stood in it for hours and didn't even hallucinate one time.
@Storminika: I walked past a lady in her car with convertible down. She locked the door out of fear. So I smacked her in the back of the head & ran way