@david8hughes: Animal testing is pointless. We already know they're animals.
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@LoneWolfStories: If I'm your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
@bea_ker: Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a "thirsty boy"
@Spaziotwat: [First date] Him:"Waiter!" Waiter:"Sir?" Him:"Could you check the toilets? My date has been gone 2 hours. Also, her coat has been stolen"