@iGreenMonk: Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity.
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@heyevergreen: if you take a selfie at a dad's funeral, his hand will rise up out of the casket and give you bunny ears
@Manali_Shetye5: Mom: can i borrow your laptop? Me: *deletes history* Me: *logs out of twitter* Me: *closes chrome* Me: *opens internet explorer* Me: sure
@NotthatAdamWest: Jean shorts on men should be called Danny Dukes. Or Daisy Dons. Or maybe just Poor Life Choices.