@iGreenMonk: Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity.
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@everygirI: boys need to work on keeping their Instagram up to date with good pics. I can't show my mom some pic of a fish you caught 120 weeks ago
@Black__Elvis: If I had a daughter I wouldn't waste money on training bras, I'd trap wild bras and train them myself like our ancestors did.
@PeachesMcPeach: Omg. The WiFi went off a minute ago so my kids came out of their rooms. They're getting so tall!
@MakeYourBedlam: I like reserving tables at restaurants using unique names so I can hear the hostess announce, "Optimus Prime? Your table for 5 is ready!"