@iGreenMonk: Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity.
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@buttgh0st: [following girl off elevator] you cant hate snakes and then say u love dragons, because theyre actually extremely similar. in a lot of mytho
@noog: Obama: Joe, look. Full moon Biden: What? TONIGHT? *starts shapeshifting* Obama: Joe? Biden: AARRGHHH *Gore kicks door down* Gore: MANBEARPIG
@ArfMeasures: ME (working in a bank): Ugh I am so tired today ROBBER: EVERYONE ON THE GROUND & DO NOT MOVE ME [blowing up neck pillow] I could kiss you