@iGreenMonk: Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity.
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@badbanana: Walk into a random building, go to a random floor, step into a random meeting, and take a donut. Best donut you'll ever eat.
@TechnicallyRon: Life is stupid. You can ACCIDENTALLY make a baby but you can't ACCIDENTALLY make a cake.
@weinerdog4life: Last time I did drugs I dated an All-In-One Printer for 3 days, so no thank you.
@Darlainky: A costumer just said to me that my daughter and I look like twins. And I was like, "Well, we were separated at birth."