@valentinebaby82: Answering all the 'how r u' DM's with 'I got my period' is going surprising well
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@xysist: If Kim and Kanye name their next kid North West again, we can comfortably refer to the two as One Direction.
@wickedsuga: When I get startled, I scream in a really deep voice instead of my normal one. Cause if I'm going to be freaked out, you should be too.
@No_Job_Joe: My boss just fired me because I spent the past 45 minutes taking a crap. I don't see why he can't just clean it off his desk, and move on.
@jmhuntsinger: Judging by the quality of some of your tweets I can tell this isn't the first time you've failed in life.