@Parkerlawyer: 6, holding a pic of me pregnant with him, "Why are you SO FAT?"
Me, "You're inside my tummy."
6, "That's DISGUSTING."
Me, "It gets worse.."
@RxitWounds: OPEN UP THIS IS THE COPS
What's the magic word?
[Cut to them back at the station writing on a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off]
@shutupmikeginn: I'm thinking about getting a mirror over my bed so I can watch myself while I'm eating cereal.
@animaldrumss: Jesus: Those were the times when I carried you son
Me: And when the vending machine ate my dollar?
Jesus: That time you bought me a Snickers
@InternetHippo: *phone rings*
SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week?
ME: No returns
SATAN: Please. It's making me sad
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