@CornOnTheGoblin: [answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?
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@IamEnidColeslaw: who gives a shit about how many spiders you eat when you're asleep? I'm worried about how many are getting into the other holes
@Test_of_Steron: Husband: I called my boss "Honey" today. Wife: What? Why? H: He was shouting at me and telling me I was wrong, and it just slipped out.
@GrantTanaka: wife: can you check something on my phone for me me: sure what's your passcode w: our anniversary m: w: ANNIVERSARY m: [sweating profusely]
@JediGigi: Me: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ryan Gosling? Him: Me? No, but thank- Me: Ok just making sure.