@CornOnTheGoblin: [answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?
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@kelkulus: Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.
@jctwritesstuff: Cop: Know why I pulled you over? Me: Was it the air guitar? Cop: *shy* Yeah can... can I get your autograph? Me: Happens all the time. Cop: Thanks! Me: Hey! This is a ticket!
@WilliamAder: If you get a gift from me, there may or may not be a pair of scissors between the wrapping and the gift. I'm gonna need those back.
@withanewname: The family pet is getting old so we're all pitching in and throwing the dog poop in the neighbors yard when she can't make it over there.