@CornOnTheGoblin: [answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?
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@Dawn_M_: Just once I'd like the guy hired to kill me to complete the job and not fall in love with me.
@novicefather: [opens door for two Jehovah's witnesses] Ugh...ok come in. The goat blood is in a vial on the table. I'll get the virgin from the basement.
@leechee420: Shaved my legs for the 1st time in forever today. It was like taking a bulldozer to the rainforest. Birds flying out, villagers scattering.
@CrashTestDrummy: A Jehovah's Witness followed me. I think I'll send him a lot of unsolicited DMs with knock-knock jokes...