@CornOnTheGoblin: [answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?
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@AdamTheLobster: Cop: your under arrest Me: you're* under arrest 2nd Cop: [handcuffing 1st cop] sorry Ed, but he's right
@ThaJawn: Glue: *holds two pieces of paper together Crazy Glue: *holds two pieces of paper at gun point
@Pspenny36: 7yo: mommy you smell like beer. Me: well, you smell like a bad idea that your dad and I thought could fix our marriage....now go to bed.