@EJGomez: any man with a ponytail is never more than 15ft away from a katana at any given time
@TheMichaelRock: I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their shit.
@zachv86: i saw this homeless guy talking to himself and i was like, "who is he talking to?" then i thought "who am I talking to?"
@causticbob: Old Macdonald had a really bad scrabble hand......
E - I - E - I - O.....
@Kali_Mura: Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
@bourgeoisalien: Probably the hardest part about being God is deciding between two equally terrible youth soccer teams that have just prayed to win.