@EJGomez: any man with a ponytail is never more than 15ft away from a katana at any given time
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@Smooheed: Stop screaming! I thought you'd appreciate having someone to pass you a towel when you got out of the shower
@SamuelHLowe: - 911, what's your emergency? - My nephew just swallowed a lighter! - What's your address? - Never mind, I found some matches.
@Storminika: A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, 'Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car'