@AmandaDuberman: Any woman with three or more exes in her city could have told Obama how to avoid Putin in Normandy.
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@ieatanddrink: Think I nailed my job interview today because I wore a graduation cap to make it look like I graduated high school
@TweetingDadGuy: Winter is great because it gets dark earlier and you can get a head start on your shady activities.
@Sickayduh: "That damn Lassie said Timmy fell down a ruffruffruff" "Relax, honey. I'm sure she means well"
@batkaren: *Magneto flapping his wrist frantically, trying to shake loose a fork stuck to his hand*