@BoogTweets: Anyone can be a sword swallower at least one time
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@squirrel74wkgn: My son just flicked a booger & now it's hanging from my wife's forehead. I'd tell her, but our waitress is still reading the specials.
@junejuly12: People who say 45 minutes past the hour are the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 months old
@OhSweetCharity: If you love someone, set them free. When they come back, because they will, make sure you are extremely happy with someone better looking.
@BBQJones28: I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.