@Dutch_50: Anyone else notice Independence Day is July 4th? Maybe we can work it into our 4th of July celebrations.
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@LeahTiscione: If you ever see me with one of those stick figure family bumper stickers it means I'm dead and someone is wearing my skin
@PaperWash: me: just tell me I don't die in an Arby's bathroom stall Death: [sadly looking up from his book] look, what matters is how you lived
@SortaBad: Cop: Tell us what you know! Me: Penguins are monogamous creatures with noted cases of bisexuality Cop: *typing up his science report*
@nachosarah: when I have dinner with a vegetarian I order two steaks to use as a bun for my third steak