@EvilPandaX: Anyone realize Dora is always lost every episode? Why is their no Amber alert for her? Is it because she's Mexican?
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@squirrel74wkgn: I'm pretty sure the coupon I gave you for a $7 haircut suggests that I'm not interested in that $44 bottle of shampoo, but thank you.
@iwearaonesie: mother-in-law (on FB): I'm tired of everyone being so condesending *wife tackles me before I can write "you spelled 'condescending' wrong"*
@_NinJar: 1st rule of snitch club is d- "MIKE BROKE THE 1ST RULE!" Ok w- "JIM BROKE THE 3RD RULE!" *police sirens* Who called the cops *everyone runs*
@looktothepickle: Her: are you even listening? I said I'm breaking up with you! Me: *biting my burger into a Batman symbol* na na na na na na na na BUR-GERR!