@canadasandra: Anyone want a free car? Angry bee inside but otherwise, perfect.
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@Token_Geezer: A vegan, an atheist and a reformed ex-smoker walk into a bar. Everyone else in the bar leaves.
@ch000ch: cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night
@iwearaonesie: me: Do you think Muhammad Ali tried different animals? Like, "Float like a duck, sting like a jellyfish"? wife: Go to sleep