@runolgarun: Anyone who doesn't believe sentient A.I. will be the death of humanity has never been asked by Waze to make an unprotected left turn.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Door-to-door Christian guy: Have you heard the greatest story ever told? Me: Definitely. I love Star Wars.
@pizzajaynow: People who only tweet inspirational stuff are the same people who reminded their school teacher about homework assignments.
@MythicPicnic: Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans.
@ItsAndyRyan: First date Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers Her: Wow, impressive Him: Then I'll move on to Virgos