@goldengateblond: Anyone who says cheetahs are the fastest land mammals hasn't seen me move a cat off an expensive area rug before he pukes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Quartzjixler: Don't be silly! A kid's name doesn't affect the type of person they become. Now come and hold my sweet baby Lucifer Charles Manson Hitler.
@Lemonidas42: Man: "I think I saw a UFO last night" UFO with fake moustache: "Nah, it was probably one of them optical gases or something"
@GensPlace: Took nephew out for lunch. The waitress asked what he'd like. After a stunned silence, I explained 'quiche' was not pronounced 'quickie'.