@UnicornSyrup: Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
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@chrissyteigen: I am so lazy I thought about looking at the super moon and decided 2033 isn't even that far away
@Rollinintheseat: When a waiter sees my disability and asks the person I'm with what I want to eat, I respond "Our telepathy is a bit off. You should ask me."
@Iloveearwormz: I hate people that sit with you for hours and don't speak, suddenly want to tell you their life story when you put in your headphones.