@Douchekevin: Anyone who says 'they wish they could be a fly on the wall' has clearly never been attacked by a woman with a rolled up newspaper.
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@theshantilly: 9: I'm writing a book based on a true story. Me: Make me look good. 9: FINE. I'll write something else.
@sad_tree: *paramedic holds me as a I lay dying* ME: Tell my family.. all I ever wanted..was a robot butler PM: With a top hat? ME: Of course you idiot
@pstamato: Asked exterminator if he chose the bug life or the bug life chose him. In the ensuing silence I assume he imagined me dying by fumigation.