@iwearaonesie: Anytime someone loses something in the office HR doesn't ask if anyone's seen it, they just send out an email that says "Give it back Josh"
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@Book_Krazy: 9: Whatcha watching? Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there? Me: Two people. 9: Are they married? Me: Not for long.
@fusedude: I found out today that if I just let go of the steering wheel, my car will drive itself. The catch is: my car is a terrible driver.
@meganamram: I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though
@omgthatspunny: My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad. She's an expert in sighcology.