@CantEven101: Apologies to my forehead for assuming that automatic doors will just "open."
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@my_boy_joey: I just saw a raccoon get hit by a Smart Car. The poor lil fella suffered a sprained ankle.
@KelleysBreakRm: When I open the washing machine lid mid-cycle, I feel like I've entered a party where everybody suddenly stops dancing and stares at me.
@SortaBad: If you're in a wheelchair and you say your date stood you up, it's unclear to me whether your night was lousy or remarkable.