@lovemyboots111: Apparently asking the boss " who ignited the fuse on your tampon?" will get you sent to HR.
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@KittensMittens: Mom: I think I'm gonna make a twitter Me: Mom it costs like $500 a year... Mom: That's expensive I'll stick with Facebook Me: Aww too bad
@dorsalstream: [lights 2016 calendar on fire] There. Now you can't hurt anyone any longer. [wind blows calendar onto my coat; I'm engulfed in flames]