@lovemyboots111: Apparently asking the boss " who ignited the fuse on your tampon?" will get you sent to HR.
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@BackrowSeats: Remember that someone out there is thinking of you right now, figuring out how to make your death look like an accident.
@figgled: Things Women Over 30 Should Never Wear 1. exploding glove 2. ham sandwich 3. flaming fireplace 4. Dead bird helmet 6. shark eggs
@AntiJokeTyrone: A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby