@HotlinkStrahota: Apparently Hooters is a great place to meet single dads on a Sunday.
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@CarelWillemse: Uber driver: "I'm close, where are you?" Me: "oh I see you" Uber Driver: "Are you the guy in the middle of the road?" Me: "yeah floor it"
@crunchenhancer: I judge the strength of the economy based on what type of candy people hand out on Halloween.
@SteelCityDawn: A butterfly just landed on the tip of my cigarette & exploded.nWhat in the hell do they put in butterflys?
@meganamram: I'm donating my body to science. I'm getting sick of it taking up space in the freezer.