@rickkondell: Apparently, if you stop to help an armored truck broke down on the side road, they'll mace and taser you. In that order.
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@XplodingUnicorn: How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
@Lovestained555: My 5yr old eats chicken wings with the precision of a hitman cleaning his rifle.
@Laser_Cat: Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
@ReeseButCallMeV: Mean while, back on Facebook, Jennifer is blaming the birth of her son for her being fat. Her son is 6 ....