@Kimgee8: Apparently "naked" is not the answer when someone mad at you asked, how do you sleep at night?
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@Shot_Of_Cabo: I'll never call a radio station because I'm afraid they'll give me tickets to go somewhere and do something.
@MischievousJam: Today seems like the perfect day to make important life altering decisions! - Me, when I've gone two days without sleep
@AnitaHelmet: If men knew the effect their scent has on women, they'd shower more and fart less.
@LaziestCanine: [uses the restroom] Wife: make sure to put the toilet seat down Me: okay Me: [to toilet seat] you're worthless and nobody likes you