@Carbosly: Apparently saying "If you think your wife is fat now, wait till she has the baby" is not a good way to congratulate someone.
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@KeetPotato: me: [answers phone in meeting] "this better be important" wife: "i think we're having a baby" me: [sighs] "you told me that 9 months ago"
@Go2Slp: 4: can we name the baby Yoko? Me: well Yoko is a Japanese name 4: if the baby is Japanese can we name it Yoko? Me: ... 4: ... Me: yes
@LilFlaOrange30: That moment when you're driving and tweeting and you look up and notice you're in the Atlantic Ocean.
@Douchekevin: A 25 year old just told me she's gonna rock my world. I'm 47 so I assume she's gonna show me where to buy comfortable shoes & soft licorice