@Carbosly: Apparently saying "If you think your wife is fat now, wait till she has the baby" is not a good way to congratulate someone.
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@JohnLyonTweets: No horror movie will ever be as scary as the sight of the water going up instead of down when I flush the toilet.
@NOTVIKING: date: i think my eyebrows are my worst feature me: [trying to compliment her] not true, you have many worse features
@Marlebean: Husband: You cut your hair! Me: ... H: It looks good! I like it! ... Me: I cut my hair 3 weeks ago.