@Carbosly: Apparently, saying "make it a double" followed by an awkward wink doesn't work at the pharmacy.
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@teeaysmith: To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
@Schmoodles: Checking my lotto numbers makes me forget everything I know about probability, and gives me a temporary belief in the power of prayer.
@01CandyQueen: I hate when people say, "You barely touched your food" like what do you want me to do stroke it?