@EricGoldie: Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA for "here's a beech tree and some nails."
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@OBiiieeee: [trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex] Her: faster! faster! Me: oh god no
@MartaEffing: My self esteem flared up this morning. So I put on my bikini and checked my bank account. Ahhh... That's more like it.
@Phook75: Forgot to buy a gift for a friends Wedding. Luckily someone died at an intersection nearby so I scored a cool wooden cross and a teddy bear
@LinajkReturns: If he's hot on your heels, dump him. You do not want a man who looks better in your shoes than you do.