@EricGoldie: Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA for "here's a beech tree and some nails."
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@MarieColette: If anyone's looking to join a pyramid scheme, hit me up and I'll connect you with all the girls I went to high school with via facebook.
@over_rated: "HEY ATHLETES WITHOUT MONEY FOR TRAINING FACILITIES OR PROPER UNIFORMS, Y U NO WIN GOLD MEDALS?" - Indians
@TwiCarlyGleeber: Girl likes 'boys with accents <333' on Facebook. I charge at her. "HELLOUGH!! I AM HELMUT, FROM RUSSIA. I WORK AS STRANGLER AT MEAT FACTORY"
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm not saying my kids come to me for everything but if I was on fire & my husband was 10 feet away, they'd still ask me for a snack.