@EricGoldie: Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA for "here's a beech tree and some nails."
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@Maxine12333: Woke at 2 AM to a strange male voice telling me to accept god. Storm knocked out power at 7 and I forgot to turn off TV - thought I'd died.
@bromanconsul: sorry son. I know u had ur heart set on college but Grandma had to throw her massive diamond into the ocean to deal w some emotional stuff
@fro_vo: [first date] Me: why isn't a boy ant called an uncle Date: why isn't a girl praying mantis called a praying womantis *we do it right there*