@Fred_Delicious: Apparently the rebooted bible will feature a female Jesus, and Moses will be a raccoon
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@whytruy: Obama: joe can you please explain all the cheetos that are in the kitchen Biden: I didn't want Trump to feel- Obama: Joe, Biden: ...lonely
@travisauruss: I think the closest I've come to playing romantic music at a girl's window is when I forgot to turn down "Eye Of The Tiger" at the drivethru
@aPunch2theJunk: I heard someone say a guy on TV "oozes sexiness." I don't think oozing is very sexy at all. If something oozes, it's probably infected.
@chris_isloi: Whenever someone is about to tell me about their day, I just cover my ears and yell "SPOILER ALERT!"