@Fred_Delicious: Apparently the rebooted bible will feature a female Jesus, and Moses will be a raccoon
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@RidiculousSheri: He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
@LuckoftheDraw86: Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
@MeatloafComedy: It's been a horrible day. This morning my ex got ran over by a fed ex truck. Then I lost my job at fed ex.
@jwoodham: KATY PERRY: Can I use a real tiger? NFL: No way, that would be dumb. KATY PERRY: Oh I'll show you dumb.