@Fred_Delicious: Apparently the rebooted bible will feature a female Jesus, and Moses will be a raccoon
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@TheOfficialTed: Guys wait for the perfect girl, Playboy's fault. Girls wait for the perfect guy, Disney's fault.
@gruffybeard: Damn girl, are you the Sunday crossword because I want to spend all day doing you...
@jctwritesstuff: [First Date] Me: So this has been great. *moves in for a kiss* Me: Jesus, a little handsy there. Octopus: I can't... I can't help it.