@Fred_Delicious: Apparently the rebooted bible will feature a female Jesus, and Moses will be a raccoon
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@NotKarma: Found $10 in a pants pocket. It was awkward though because someone was still wearing it.
@1followernodad: Can't wait for the google doodle guy to get dumped and make things super personal.
@tastefactory: Cop: Save it for the JUDGE! Crook:Ok *crook wraps up last slice of pizza in foil* Lawyer: it's too bad the judge had to miss our pizza party