@faizziy: Apparently "The WiFi signal is the strongest there" isn't the right answer when the boss asks "Why are you spending so much time in toilet?"
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@Brampersandon_: Loan me a couple bucks? "Sure" *throws 2 huge deer carcasses on counter* Dude where did u get those? "..." Can I even pay with these?
@NurseMurderer: Backstreet Boys: Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely. Me: *slow dances with cats around a pot of mac & cheese*
@flashember: Dog (curled up, napping): I never poop on the carpet and I love cats. Wife: Is the dog talking in its sleep? "Shhh let sleeping dogs lie."
@OBiiieeee: I almost hit a deer tonight. But then he took back what he said about my mom and we hugged it out. Back to having zero haters, feels good.