@nerdonfire1: Apparently, the words "I'd still hit it" are words best kept to yourself at a funeral
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@MakesYouGiggle: Dear people with resolutions, Please bring all your unwanted.. bread, junk food, soda, drugs, and alcohol to my house. Thanks.
@Dani_Feld: I just took out a spider so big that, moments after, the postman rang the doorbell and I thought it was the spider.