@Rollmaninoz: Cashier: haha that’s a lotta candy, getting ready for Halloween early eh Me:… Cashier:… Me:… Cashier:… Me: yep

@Terdoh: If aliens are only on the quest for intelligent life, then Earth really has nothing to worry about.

@JDBooie: Instead of a sock on your door, hang a doughnut. Not only is Doughnut Disturb hilarious, you provide a snack for your now homeless roommate.

@JGrumbie: Fully clothed mom just waded into the pool to grab her devil spawn child that was ignoring her. She's my new favorite.

@AndyAsAdjective: "How did your *looks down at notes scribbled on hand* favorite sports team do in their *looks down again* sporting contest today?"