@Sean_Burgundy_: Apparently "Which one?" wasn't the best answer when my gf's dad asked me "What are your intentions with my daughter?"
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@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus was the original child star who fell in with the wrong crowd and died young.
@maisonwithapen: *stands near cute dude in store* ME [pretending to be on my phone]: PLEASE doctor, when will I be cured of my no gag reflex problem *winks*
@Cpin42: Barista won't write "Air Bud was bullshit" on my coffee cup. We've been arguing for 20 minutes. HE’S A DOG THAT PLAYS BASKETBALL
@LizHackett: I once saw a real bear in the wild and said "Aww, look at him!" What I'm saying is, don't turn to me for practical thinking in an emergency.