@Parentpains: Apparently, women only enjoy a nice romantic breakfast in bed when they know how you got in their house.
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@kcmoore51: Just heard a lady in Target scream "WE DON'T BUY THINGS JUST TO BUY THINGS" at her kids and now I kinda wish she'd have a talk with me also.
@AmericanGent69: My 6 year old came into the bathroom while I was using it to tell me she hates it when the dog comes into the bathroom when she's using it.
@pixelatedboat: You wanna mess with me, pal? You wanna mess with the saddest man in town? I've got a whole crew of sad boys just waiting to burst into tears